“Set your sights, sailing far beyond familiar
In the rising tide, you’ll find the rhythm of your heart
And lift your head, now the wind and waves don’t matter
What if the path you choose becomes a road
The ground you take becomes a home
The wind is high, but the pressure’s off
I’ll send the rain wherever we end up
Wherever we end up”

It’s crazy to me how quickly our lives can change, sometimes without us even knowing it. Whether it’s a change of heart or a change of circumstances, the futures we’ve dreamed of and the plans we’ve envisioned can change course, in what seems is only an instant.

I’ve spoken about it many times before and I’m sure I will be speaking the same words for the rest of my life but every day I become increasingly more aware of God’s sovereignty and the fact that He is so faithful. Faithful and sovereign: Those terms have really come to have a whole new meaning in my life over these past months. The idea of God’s sovereignty was something that I believed as long as everything was still within my control. As long as everything turned out the way I wanted and it looked the way I pictured, then clearly I was seeing God’s faithfulness in my life. (Which I now realize is completely the opposite of what that actually is). I totally and completely limited God in almost every part of my life, and in turn, ended up restricting my future to a very simple and very limited vision. I truly thought I was trusting God and I thought I was allowing Him to guide me and lead me, but my control and my unwillingness to surrender ran incredibly deep.

Since I can remember, I have always had somewhat of a restless heart. I haven’t quite figured out if that’s a good or a bad thing, and in some ways I think it can be both. The challenge for me is deciphering between the two. There have been times where I felt restless because I felt God pushing me to move when I was standing still. Other times, I’ve felt restless because I was lacking contentment. It’s hard to feel content when you feel like you have no direction and when you feel like you’re wandering aimlessly, it’s hard to feel like you have a purpose.

Trusting God with my restless heart and my future has been much more challenging than I ever thought, but I’m starting to see the reward is also so much greater than I could have ever imagined. As a single, 24 year old who is still figuring her life out, it can be incredibly easy for your heart to become anxious. There are so many pressures that come with this phase of life; and in turn that pressure can cause you to feel like you should be somewhere that you’re just not yet.

This is the time in most people’s lives where they are graduating college, starting careers, getting married and starting families. Those are all wonderful things and honestly, some that I hope to find for my own life someday, but what happens when God takes YOUR life and completely moves you to something off the beaten path?  To a place that may seem incredibly isolating and so different from what everyone else is doing? It causes you to question. It can absolutely cause doubt and a feeling of “missing out”. It can make you feel inadequate and ashamed. It’s easy to get caught up in seeking a career, a spouse, money, or whatever else, because thats what you’re SUPPOSED to do at this point. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that those things are bad by any means, but without Jesus leading us to those things, we could be blind to what God has in store.

Over this past year, I have had so many moments where I have felt “singled out” by God. It wasn’t until recently that he changed my perspective when I’ve thought about that. So many times I would look at my situation and, as much as I hate to admit it, it was from a place of feeling sorry for myself. I felt like God was just taking from me a life that he had laid out in front of me. I had never experienced an anger and a bitterness of that caliber before, which was a direct result of the way I was choosing to look at everything. I started challenging myself to everyday, even in the worst of circumstances, find at least one thing I was thankful for. As I started doing this consistently, I found that list becoming longer and longer and the focus shifted from what I had lost to what God had blessed me with and what He was doing in my life. It wasn’t until recently that I have become SO thankful that God singled me out. Only this time, I don’t see that as a bad thing.

My prayer for years has been that God would have His way in my life, and I never let go enough to actually let that happen. (I have a tendency to be my own biggest hindrance.) Recently, God has put me on a road that I not only don’t understand but I never would have chosen for myself. I’m starting to find that future I had envisioned for myself looks nothing like the one God seems to be shaping for me, but I have never trusted anything more. I have never experienced such a genuine peace about something so unfamiliar.

I look back to where I was a year ago, and I wouldn’t have believed you if you would have told me I’d be where I am right now. I was happily engaged to a WONDERFUL man who I loved so deeply, I had friends that I thought were lifelong and I was focused on striving toward a career and a future that I had always pictured. As many of you know, every single one of those doors closed. Every. Single. One.

From where I stand now, I am so thankful. I am thankful God took me through heartache that at times, seemed unbearable. It refined me.  I am thankful that I had the friendships I did, even just for a time. They strengthened me. I’m thankful for the 5 years I got to spend with an incredible man. I learned more from him, more about myself and how truly selfish I can be, more about love, forgiveness and grace from that experience than all of the other things put together. Most importantly, I’m thankful for God and who He is. I am thankful that I serve a Sovereign and limitless God! A God who knows far better than I do and is willing to destroy my plans for His good and the good of those who love Him. A God who is gracious enough to walk with me through some of the darkest moments of my life and still call me His.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way and some that I still struggle with today, but I am learning that just as much as God’s plan knows no bounds, neither does His grace. I truly believe He uses every situation, every mistake and every victory for His good if you allow Him. It still amazes me how much He can change a heart, even as sinful and rebellious as mine can be, and bring forth desires that are so beautiful and so pure.

So to all of you who feel “singled out” by God, who feel isolated and maybe even abandoned, let me be a testament to how truly faithful Jesus is. It’s OKAY if you’re not where everyone else is. It’s okay to dream of a future that looks nothing like that of everyone around you. It’s OKAY to be single and its OKAY to not have everything figured out. There are still so many things that I don’t know about my future, but I promise you, if you truly ask for the wildly boundless God to ruin your plans and shatter your realities and make them His own, He will be immeasurably faithful to do so. That’s a really scary prayer sometimes, because He will have His way if you let Him, and it may look nothing like you thought, but at least from my experience so far, the reward is so much sweeter.

“Not my will, but yours be done. Not my strength, but yours alone. Nothing else, but You Oh Lord.
I find everything in You.”